Chrismas Eve Friends

(This posting is to show how all my closest friends leave me during chrismas eve. Not to find a person to blame.)

Today I had my most lonely Christmas Eve of my life. All thanks to my so called friends. Am I over demanding on my friends? I might have. Sorry to be such a pain the ass. I am not like this originally, and I don't want to become like this either. I don't respect ppl who can't hide their feelings. This is the second time I use that words. One of my "friends" might recognise it. By becoming who i don't respect, I started to lose respect of myself. What my friends did to me made me feel like I have no importance of being their friends.

Just a while ago, I just give a faint idea of I'm not following them out to my friend Mr.Y . And must be him who has been spreading the news until none is calling me to go out. They just leave without me.My room-mate just say u dowan eat ah? then he went out. I thought he going dinner, then I realize he is going for Christmas Eve.

(What he said is a fact, what I think is my personal thought. Pls. )

Then being alone, I was chatting online with Nic Nic, Bing and Noel. Then later I learned that Noel is going to church for chrismas eve. After asking, I thought I will not be lonely after all, besides will be going to a church in town. I was happy because I was not lonely in christmas eve, second I will be going to the house of God after so many years and thirdly the church is an old church which I wanted to visit since my childhood.

But all my hopes and planning are short lived. After I bath and change into outing clothes and was about to leave, when I was closing my room lights, my phone flashed; a massage was received. The first massage revealed that the venue is changed from the church to St.Francis. Then the second massage broke my hope, it says that they are going there by bike. So I was left out....again in the same day. I just want to see young ppl enjoying themselves, convincing me that this world is not as gloomy as I see it. I just don't wanna be alone.

But as far as my life went, NONE of my friend is worthy of getting into my mindset as a real friend. God has already deprived me of my other part of my soul, love of my family and still take away my friends? What do I still have to stay alive? my own accomplishment? my dreams? all vanished, see my results. Dont tell me I did not try hard enough. God knows what I have done and sacrificed. Why I am so left out? do I have to ask every now and then if they got any activities and beg to join every time there is one?

Never mind la. I feel like a grumpy old hag now. Go read novel. After my roommate and friends come back they want to laugh me then laugh la. My life has been always like this. I am used to it. Hope none of you out there feel as lonely as me in this Christmas Eve. None deserves it. Merry Christmas to u all. May God bless you all with happiness, wealth and health. Merry Christmas.