Take a step foward or stay there?

I am falling out of my fate. I don’t know should I welcome it or against it from happening. So far, I have been cautious. However, a critical step is coming closer. I don’t know what I should do. Haiz…..

I think god have been kind to me. Because the step I am going to take seems so unrealistically beautiful and perfect, it seems almost impossible to be true. Am I dreaming? I dare not make a sudden big move; I scare it all will fall apart if I do that, really scared. However, what holds for me there I couldn’t resist >”< what should I do?

Can human be really so caring? How about the prejudice? Can friendship rise above it all? Can they? I wonder. If I take a false step, I don’t know how I could face myself. Or would I forgive myself. Each one of my friends is precious. I cannot afford to lose this one, so far, is one of the best.

May be I should try? If I messed up, I guess that is my fate, is it? I don’t know until when this sucked life will prolong to. Really want to call it a quit. I would suffer greatly for a few minutes, then, peace. Peace no living soul tasted before, then my funeral. After that, my body will rot bit by bit back into the nature. Then this world won’t have me any more. This cursed person who should not be born in the first place. At least I looked at it that way.

I guess my family won’t be the same without me. My friends? What the heck! Who cares? Who is Yong Meng? After a month or two, all memories of me will be chucked behind the brain. What difference it makes to have me around or not. As time still goes by, there won’t be trace of my existence anymore. Then why I am here now? It is like the existence of this blog, what difference it makes? Then why is it here? Why am I still living? Why? Why?~