Two friend story

I don’t know why, I always manage to get the wrong massage across to mr.H. Re-mentioning the matter is considered a taboo for me since now everything is already in balance.

Why people suffer depression? According to yahoo searches, there are many causes of depression. The causes can be divided into emotional and medical causes. I think the same reason causes mine.

One of my first darkest depressions is when I was staying alone above “kim poh” restaurant. Thanks to ah han, I was able to live pass the dilemma. He is a caring and cheerful person back then. Of course, people changes and we are growing further apart. Now, I would like keep our friendship a save distance, because if you want to blame, I always the trouble maker and gets into friends ignore list. Perhaps that’s the real me without the paper bag over my head.

As for Yuying, I does not forbid him to be in relationship. Back then, he is my best friend who I can say anything to him. Sometimes, a hearing ear is what people need and could save a person from ending his life. I thought if anything happens to me, at least ONE person should know me thoroughly. If not, it would be like I come and go un-noticed, as if I never existed before. I don’t think anyone who read this blog understand my feelings. Normally only people in ripe age will worry to be noticed of their existence, normally most of them will count their accomplishment so that they can go in peace.

After I move here I got very depressed. I feel very troubled and the world has never been so colorless. I can spend whole night watching the naked floor doing nothing, also I can’t sleep well in weeks, and it makes me feel very tired and so tempted to rest forever. Food, music and everything I enjoyed doing becomes tasteless.

In a moment like this, yuying is willing to help. He sacrifices his sleeping time to hear me talking nonsense through the morning. Sometimes I feel guilty seeing him skipping classes sleeping. His advice and affection I can almost surely say no other people can offer. Because of this, he gained a very important place among my friendship at that time.

For a friend who I can give my life to, founds a person who he really loves, I cannot be happier for him. I congratulated them both. Because I was still recovering from my depression; after getting an ok sign from yuying I tried to get yien yien to be my better friend as well, since I assume they both will share everything anyway. So I can have two pairs of listening ears, like people always say two is better than one.

However I got dumped still recovering. That’s why I mentioned in my previous blog that I wish for a little more time. I wish he would be around a little while longer. Conversely to ah han thoughts, actually I would not have problem for them in relationship, or the timing the relationship came, as long as it does not strip me of my best friend. In need for help, later I went to the school counselor instead.

It is completely understandable that a girl wants all of his boyfriend’s attention and affection and is also understandable that she does not feels comfortable that another guy being too close to her boyfriend. But without negotiation, I lost my important friend and was told to move out at the end of the first trimester. I am a living being with emotions, I can cheat other but I cannot cheat myself, if I say I liked what has happened I, would be lying others and myself.

These send me to countless trips to temples to pray so that our friendship wouldn’t end just like that. Two of my “ask god” session send my parent a shock because of my small people problem. The last one which I went last Saturday, my father thought I saw ghost!

Thankfully I still stays here, and me and yuying I wouldn’t say we are exactly friends, but at least we are not enemies. May be that is good enough? for what ever reason, he does not talk to me anymore, so I try to comply with him so that I will not give him a hard time.

Ah han say I was trying to break people up. What? I did no such thing! I was hoping later when I pay them a visit after we graduated, there was a lot of cute “small ghost” running around the house and they would call me, Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!.... any of you can imagine how yuying kids looks like? Interesting, huh? Hehe. Ever wonder before how much he can earn and the type of life he lead with yien yien?

But all the thought and mood went down the drain since we already become like this. Sad. May be I should look at the bright side; I can save my angpau money? @_@ . No la, I would be happier giving them out rather then keeping them. Haiz, Never mind la, nothing I can do already.

So much more I can talk about this ex-special friend, but I don’t want to hog all the blog space for this one posting. May be next time. May all of you be happy always. Life is short, don’t waste them. XD