Deteriorating

Last Friday I went to see movie at MP with my housemate. The movie called Poseidon. For me, it’s actually quite a lame movie about people escaping sinking ship.

Lately something is wrong with me. I got a strange weird feeling. May be it’s a change. Just hope I don’t become worse than what I am already now. I am growing old. I can notice the increasingly deeper groove of the wrinkles on my hand and more fine lines appeared near my eye area.

I got so easy exited lately? May be it’s a bodily last call for action before it also went down slope. I am the slave of my desire. I can hold them for a few hours, days then no more. I went back to who I was. My life expectance is growing short. When you see the end is moving towards you while you are moving towards it, it is scary. Yet nothing to be done makes one feels frustrating. My heart condition takes a part of my life expectancy away and my way of life slashed a huge chunk from it too. May be some organ is starting to weakens or may be injured.

Guess I am the one who will say good bye first due to natural death. If death god has not claim this soul, may be I shall go to him, someday. People here are so sensitive, close minded. That’s why I like to live in developed places, or foreign country perhaps so that I won’t suffocate of peoples closed narrow mindedness.

Because of my own unbearably bitter depression. I am suffering mentally in addition to physical disorders. The condition becomes serious that I have to cheer up myself. Eating is not my fancy lately, so do sleep. My friends and close friends all have firewalls erected between me. May be everybody does have this wall around our self because to protect own privacy, secret, and scare being hurt or humiliated. But how come so many foreigners can life so openly?