Sad days come again.

What will happen? The continent will break away from its land soon. I scare I will loose a friend, a good one. Will he change after getting a girlfriend? That is my most concern, why? Why I like this? Why now? Why?

Why god likes to do this? He like make ppl suffer? For all the mightiness, compassion and forgiveness he has? God has no eyes? I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m confused, I’m lonely, I should be happy yuying found his girlfriend. In the same time I also don’t want he to have girlfriend. I still need his companionship. If he found his girlfriend after he graduated then I would be truly happy for him. But why now? Why? My life sux. Feels like I’m in a KGB torture. Every step I take fills with broken shards of glass shredding through my flesh, my heart. Why? I hate this. Why? Why?..........

Then why don’t I find myself my girlfriend?
Because,
1) I scare I don’t fit for the girl I like
2) I scare I’m not good enough to own a girl who loves me
3) I don’t know which type of girl I like
4) I scare to disappoint her

Actually not really I scare, but its I really don’t fit to this.I am weird, I don’t deserve a girl, but I want also. Don’t know how I should think and feel. Will she mind? Oh my god! I’m drowning here. Or is it charring from the jealousy? Despite drowning and charring I should also feels happy for yuying ? ,when I feels trashed? . I offer my everything, I bet too much, yet I was willing cos if I don’t bet I wont win.

Ok, I should get some help. Professional help. I can’t live pass myself. I cant see a single step in front of me. Where I should go? I’m in a hell of dilemma, where should I reach to? Why? Man, why? Why me? Am I sad for myself? I really am feeling not right. Very suffocating. Where am I? why I’m here? Where should I go from here? I don’t live for myself, perhaps I should live for other people? But where is the people who needs me?

What is this crap? I’m off. Go sad.