Why.

Ah yes… The passing of time, who else can feels them better than I do? Perhaps a devoted monk who has spent 50 years studying Buddhism can. Who else who can see the kernel of the operating system of this world, yet unable to completely comprehend or change them. I know so much, feels and see. But I am so hopeless. I can see why people said to see the whole u must be whole, both parts must be together. Some people who have found the other piece of the puzzle but yet can’t fit them together until old age and still many of those people die without the wisdom.

Why? Why let me see? I can’t do anything, yet why let me see? To see, I paid a kings ransom, even more than that. I paid my whole life, my living, my past, future and present. Because of that I have no hope, no memories. Everything I see I can’t touch, I can’t feel them on my hands. I couldn’t feel love. I would rather be blind and live like everybody does. I yearn to be normal. Please! I am begging you. Give me back my life on the other part of the puzzle and take this away.

I wanted to and yet I can’t reach them. It’s so frustrating. There is so much frustration with me that I want to end my life. Yet I can’t. Tic, tic, tic, the times flows by.

I am feeling something wrong with me these 2 days. What is it? I don’t know. There is strange feeling on my chest. My mind can’t function clearly. May be its blinded by my desire. Why?

There is some change I want to undo and some changes I want to do. I hope I won’t loose my best friend in the process. Your changes affect me yuying. I feel like I have been shot twice in the stomach, so painful while I die slowly.

Don’t worry; the person in the picture is not dead.