Merry Part, Merry Meet Again.

Good, my robot is up and running. Left the final tweaking and we are on~ to the robocon PWTC. For the robot, I help do the robot base, pin puller motor bracket, battery housing and modify the release mechanism. Now Wen Guey is doing the programming and the few initial test run looks very promising. Our robot mission is a success, hurrah~

Today the hamsters come are back already, ^_^ . Mun Yee is going back to her home town for a week, so she let us look after the hamsters for the mean while. Ha ha, they are fat already, thanks to Mun Yee daily prep. They also got a new cage @_@. It’s so much bigger than the last one. May be I am going to built them a water supply since they don’t have one. Have to look for building material, hm… I need a small bottle, a cork, and tubing. Not sure where to find those.

Ok la, actually I am quite demanding person. Don’t know how to put it, but may be that is one of the reason that makes me unhappy? I am so busy lately, but today get to have a good afternoon nap and now feeling refreshed. However, after a sumtious dinner at batu berendam with Ah Paul, Che Voon and yuying, now feeling a bit drowsy =_=… Going to school to tweak robot soon. That’s all for now. Until then. Ja ja ja.

Oh ya, really thanks Yuying for being there for me when I need it. Don’t know what to do without you. Thanks.

Hm......

Last week Mun Yee has come and took her hamster away liao. At first got kind of miss them but now feels better already. At least when I feel really lonely and boring, got 2 hamsters to look at. I don’t think they ever get boring, they are always playing, eating or sleeping. Every day I feed them twice, every 2 days I clean their cage and every 5 days I change the wood chips. Living with the hamsters for some time makes our room also smells like hamster cage. Sometimes it’s quite nice also, I don’t really care.

Recently I found out our school got counselor, its on a poster at the soft board bulletin outside STAD. May be I should try to make an appointment there. Hm…..

Quite a lot of happenings going on lately but too lazy to type here. :P

Most recent one is I joined a robocon group. May be status just a helper, hm…. The competition is 2 weeks away. Looking forward for the trip to kl :D Just hope GOD gracious wont give me any trouble during the trip and showered his blessings for me to have some fun. Tired~………..tired…..tired……………

New Roommate.

Now my room got 2 hamsters. Actually it’s a birthday present for Mun Yee but she can’t bring pets into where she lives, so the hamster is being save keep here until she went back to hometown.

Everyday I would take some time to look at the hamsters. Some times they are playing, some times they are sleeping. I feed them with dried pet food then later Mun Yee brings them sunflower seeds, carrot and cucumber, yum yum~ The female is more friendly and playful. The male is more aggressive and lazy. Can u believe it, the male while sleeping can crawl on top of wood chips to drink on his back from the water container with his eyes shut.

Got one time I caught the female is rolling the male across the cage when the male is sleeping. Just now, when I want to clean the cage, the male is sleeping, I pick up the seemingly dead male and put it in the shoe box in standing position. It looks like he is eating something posture but he is not, still sleeping with his eyes shut. After a while, he suddenly falls to the side apparently doesn’t know what he is dreaming. I burst into chuckle seeing this, I can’t laugh because yuying is still sleeping. Omg!! The mouse is so lazy, sleep until like this. Haha. May be like his future owner :D

Ok, time to read some notes. Test tonight. Don’t have tutorial solutions, don’t know how to study. 80% math, haiz….

Hope Gone Again.

It seems that God has an overly good sense of humor. He gives people hope and takes it away. I don’t know what more he wants of me. My best friend who I just founded just has gone His status back to just friends. My best friend is my only way of expressing my care and reservoir of love which will never be released. Now all my thought, feelings and possessions are all mine alone. I re-realize that I am alone in this world after all. And yet attachment from family prevents me from doing what I desired. So at times I wish my old man will die faster. What a sinful thought isn’t it?

Feeling really tired of all the one man show. Me and me alone. Really feeling sick and tired. Really tired. When I look out the windows I can see how the world passes ignoring me. The cool look of clear blue sky, the billowing white clouds, cruel still green tree bushes bind together with the soft sound of birds chirping and occasional whisk of wind blowing though the leaves. Then I think, the world so nice, even without me everything would be just as nice. What am I doing here? Why am I here? The nature seems so nice that I want to join them.

May be I would choose to hang myself, .. don’t get too surprised. After death, I can truly rest my mind, my body my soul. Getting really tired now. Tired……. Tired of life, no aim, aspiration. Won’t be anyone to love, or to love me. I cant touch what the future holds for me. All has become so grey, hopeless.

I wan to express my sorry and gratitude for yuying. For his sleeping hours, privacy and attention. I am now lost again. I don’t know where to go from here. All of my lonely life, I thought I saw a small ray of hope, as I approach it; it is just a cruel joke on me. Everything is just an illusion. The illusion from my yearning for affection. Why cant I life past this? Like anybody else? There is no problem they don’t feel it because they don’t have it. I can see everything beside me but yet I was not obliged to really get into with them. I was referring to hope, love, affection, and understanding.

Whining here does not do any good to the situation also does not make me feels any better at all. Tired, hopeless, I am going to sleep a sad soul. I go to sleep. Let me be alone.

Ray of hope?

Thank you for such a constructive night. I already feel I’m a better person. I can’t thank you enough. If my life becomes shorter for that, I would cut my life short. Although not everything turns out to be just like I wanted, but hey, it’s already very good. What more can I ask for? He is already the most approachable man I have. He’s my friend, my brother.

Don’t know why, may be I don’t have confidence in myself? I always scare I make the wrong move then he regrets what I have done on him. But so far everything is fine.

Is it humans sometimes want to be in other people’s shoe? Or is it just me? The person I want to be is not any Hollywood hunks or any movie idols, but I just want to be in the shoes of a normal man. My prayers to be normal started more then 10 years ago. At that time I was bathing, I looked out the windows onto the bright blue sky with white cloud gracefully blowing by. Then I pray, with all my hearts, my concentration; God, I want to be normal. Just a very simple wish for an insignificant man like me.

May be any of the readers out there might say, “Hey, there’s nothing wrong with you. I think you are normal.” You may think like that, but the problem is I don’t think so. >”< I can’t life with myself, what the hell? What I have done to deserve such suffering. What god wants of me? Please I can’t take it anymore, at times; death seems like a simple exit. And sometimes, pain makes me forget what I am in.

Confusion, desperation, frustration, my mental tourment is never ending. May be this non biological brother of mine can understand me? Just may be. May be companionship from person like him can make me finish the bitterness what I started. Life.

Take a step foward or stay there?

I am falling out of my fate. I don’t know should I welcome it or against it from happening. So far, I have been cautious. However, a critical step is coming closer. I don’t know what I should do. Haiz…..

I think god have been kind to me. Because the step I am going to take seems so unrealistically beautiful and perfect, it seems almost impossible to be true. Am I dreaming? I dare not make a sudden big move; I scare it all will fall apart if I do that, really scared. However, what holds for me there I couldn’t resist >”< what should I do?

Can human be really so caring? How about the prejudice? Can friendship rise above it all? Can they? I wonder. If I take a false step, I don’t know how I could face myself. Or would I forgive myself. Each one of my friends is precious. I cannot afford to lose this one, so far, is one of the best.

May be I should try? If I messed up, I guess that is my fate, is it? I don’t know until when this sucked life will prolong to. Really want to call it a quit. I would suffer greatly for a few minutes, then, peace. Peace no living soul tasted before, then my funeral. After that, my body will rot bit by bit back into the nature. Then this world won’t have me any more. This cursed person who should not be born in the first place. At least I looked at it that way.

I guess my family won’t be the same without me. My friends? What the heck! Who cares? Who is Yong Meng? After a month or two, all memories of me will be chucked behind the brain. What difference it makes to have me around or not. As time still goes by, there won’t be trace of my existence anymore. Then why I am here now? It is like the existence of this blog, what difference it makes? Then why is it here? Why am I still living? Why? Why?~